The Golden Years
What are senior citizens worth? We are worth a fortune - silver in our hair, gold in our teeth, stones in our kidneys and lead in our feet
Since I last saw you some changes have come into my life
I now have two gentlemen come to see me every morning
Will Power comes to help me out of bed, Arthur Rightus shows up and stays all day - he doesn’t like staying in one place so he moves from joint to joint.
The Vicar called the other day, he said ‘At your age shouldn’t you be thinking of the hereafter?
I told him I do that all the time - in the kitchen, in the living room and in the bedroom - I stand there and think ‘what the hell am I here after?’
I am old, but not that old, just a recycled teenager.
Your birthday cake collapses under the weight of the candles.
How do you know you’re growing old?
Everything hurts - and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work.
The gleam in your eye is the sun on your bifocals.
You feel like the morning after - but you haven’t been anywhere.
Senior citizens are the nations leading carrier of Aids - hearing aids, band aids, roll aids, walking aids, medical aids, government aids
and - most of all - monetary aids to their children
The Golden Years have come at last?
I cannot see, I cannot pee, I cannot chew, I cannot screw.
My memory shrinks, my hearing stinks, no sense of smell, I look like hell
My body’s drooping, got trouble pooping.
So, the golden years have come at last? Well, the golden years can kiss my ass !
When we were two
I am alone, so now it’s true - there was a time when we were two
Those were the days when we would sit and chat - doing little jobs of this and that
We would go to the shops and select our meals
But now I’m one I know how it feels, to try to cook or get meals on wheels
The rooms are empty, there’s not a sound. Sometimes I’m lost and wander around
to look for jobs that I can do
to bring back the days when we were two.
When darkness falls and curtains are drawn - thats when I feel most forlorn.
But I must be honest and tell the truth
I’m not quite alone - and here’s the proof
Beside me here in her chair she quietly waits our time to share
She said to me some time ago,
‘Darling, when the time for us comes to go - lets mix our ashes and be together
so that we can snuggle up for ever and ever
It’s not easy
It’s not always easy to hold your tongue when people are unkind
It’s not always easy to walk away and put it from your mind
But quarrelling never put anything to right
it seems to make things worse and leaves a hornet’s nest of grievances to nurse
It’s not always easy to turn aside and show the other cheek
Because you are afraid they will think that you are spiritless and weak
no - it’s not easy but it’s the only thing you’ll find -
if you want to keep your friendships.
And your peace of mind
Until we meet again my love
I now know the beauty of life - and understand the deepest sorrow
I now know the soaring of heartfelt joy - and the hope of tomorrow
I now know with each step I take - faith will see me through
I now know the meaning of love with my memories of you
Although we are apart our journey will never end
it continues on with love
until we meet again
It’s known on the site as Vera’s seat
And on days that are sunny and fair
the same little group of friends can be seen sitting, enjoying the air
smoking and joking and nodding a bit
Watching the clouds hurrying on, living old memories, thinking long thoughts - and talking of times that have gone
God grants all people joy and content and peace when their life’s work is done
For what could be better than this in the end?
A fag - and a seat in the sun
Good-bye my darling
You have broken my heart and made me cry
Why oh why did you have to die?
We could have gone on maybe a little bit longer
and gone for walks when you felt stronger
Although I’d love to see you again
I could not wish you back again to face more suffering and pain
The hole in my heart is so very great
now that I’ve lost my very best mate
May you be happy my love in the arms of God
But I miss you in my arms each morning
Miss you and love you
My angel, my love
I planted a tree in memory of my beloved wife
When she went it seemed that there was nothing left in my life
Nothing but the the dear remembrance of the days gone by
Those happy days before death came to break loves golden ties
But year by year the tree I planted grows before my eyes
And every springtime the new leaves open to the skies
It seems to bring a promise of the life that is to be
And my heart draws comfort
From my tree of memories
You get winded playing cards
Your children begin looking middle aged
You join a health club but you don’t go
A dripping tap causes an uncontrollable urge
You know all the answers - but no-one asks you questions
You look forward to a dull evening
You need glasses to find your glasses
You turn out the lights for economy instead of for romance
You sit in a rocking chair but you can’t get it to rock
Your knees buckle - but your belt won’t
Your back goes out more than you do
You put your Bra on back to front and it fits better
Your house is too big
Your medicine chest is too small
You sink your teeth into a nice steak and they stay there
Who said ‘Age is only in the mind’
I thought that at ninety-two I had done with love and passion
Such things as cuddles in the park for me were out of fashion
But then I fell in love again
Completely without warning
The moment that she came in sight that bright and sunny morning
Her dark brown eyes, her supple grace
Her long blond golden hair
Her lovely limbs, her ‘joie de vivre’
Was something I could share
I told my wife what had occurred
She said that she understood
We both decided that we should try
To manage best we could
My love came home with me to stay
I could not ask for more
And I show her off with pride
Our lovely Golden Labrador
Let Us Play
Our team, which art in Eleven Hollowed be thy game
Our match be won
Their score be none
On turf - as we score
At least seven
Give us this day no daily red card
and forgive us our lost passes
As we forgive those who don’t pass against us Lead us not into retaliation
And deliver us from penalties
For three is the kick-off
The power and the scorer
For ever and ever